Another Birthday

Today I am 63 years old, and I look back over a year that took me by surprise. None of us knows what lies ahead, and the Universe decided to use a sledgehammer to remind me of that truth over the past 12 months.


A year ago I was:


- a workaholic, juggling many different sets of responsibilities at my job.

- a person who got little exercise and who weighed more than I liked.

- glued to a computer screen for almost my entire day.

- feeling isolated much of the time.

- dabbling in mindfulness meditation, but without a practice.

- surprisingly healthy and prone to occasional feelings of well being, given all of the above.


Today I am:


- retired, and loving it. I feel no guilt at all about not showing up to work any more!

- a person with stage IV cancer.

- a person who is significantly more active. I go for a walk every day, and in general try to stay on my feet.

- still a lover of the computer and the smart phone, but not as tied to them.

- overwhelmed by the love of so many people.

- a person with a mindfulness meditation practice - although every practice can be strengthened.

- surprisingly healthy and prone to more frequent feelings of peace and well being, given all of the above.


Whatever happens in the next year, I will be fine.


And now I’m heading out the door to join my family for the wedding of my nephew, which is a celebration of Life - all our lives and all of our stories, including my own.

Comments

  1. WizenedWizardOctober 31, 2014 at 8:48 AM

    I did not really "know" you a year ago. We have been acquaintances for many years, sharing mutual friends and some interests,"neighbors" of a sort in the Adirondack foothills.

    I know you only a little better now, but I would add - beautiful and - inspiring to your list of what you are today.

    In less than two months, the Escher exhibit will open at the National Gallery, and I'm looking forward to going there with you. May this year's you continue to thrive and be blessed. I, for one, am grateful for knowing you better.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Please support the EGFR Resisters Research Fund!

To help improve outcomes for people like me with EGFR mutated lung cancer, please donate to the EGFR Resisters' Research Fund. All donations are tax deductible and are in a restricted fund with the Bonnie Addario Lung Cancer Foundation, a four-star rated charity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!


Popular posts from this blog

Telling stories to myself

Truly, I have the power - the power to make myself unhappy. The most effective way I do it is by telling stories to myself. I've been a daydreamer all my life, spinning tales that I tell only to myself. There is a common pattern to these stories: I am nearly always a central character, and they don't really end, they just peter off. Events in the stories also do not go well for me. Relationships sour, people die, projects remain undone, deadlines are not met. And the stories leave a bad after-taste in my thoughts and emotions. A while ago, I went through a period of contentment. It happened to be a time when I was blogging more actively. One day as I drove to work, I realized that I had stopped telling stories to myself. Telling stories to the world in written words seems to clear my thoughts of the dark tales, and to help prevent me from making myself unhappy. Isn't this the heart of meditation - to not tell stories to oneself, to not cling to those dark tales, to let them
Read more

My Carbon Footprint Grows Ever Larger

Image
This is how I would reword Shakespeare: Nothing offends me about my life so much as the manner of my leaving it. It’s not the disease, or the timing that makes me feel that way. It’s the staggering amount of energy that is consumed as part of cancer care - energy in the form of miles driven and plastic tossed into a biowaste disposal canister. I haven’t lived an exemplary life when it comes to the amount I have contributed to landfills. I’m not even good about composting my food waste. Still, getting sick has enlarged my carbon footprint, and I’m not done yet. There’s the matter of how to dispose of my mortal remains, for one thing, plus I’m not done with blood draws and treatments. Take the simple matter of a blood draw. Initially they were all taken from a vein. Waste generated: an alcohol wipe, a rubber tourniquet, a pair of gloves, a butterfly needle with attached plastic tube, a few glass vials, and a couple of pieces of gauze topped with a bandaid. Now, however, I
Read more

New Year, Old Dusty Blog

It’s been almost a year and a half since I posted anything here except links to paid work published elsewhere. This blog has remained in my thoughts throughout the whole period of silence.  Silent here, not elsewhere. The past year has been full of speaking engagements, patient advisory panels for pharmaceutical companies, other words in other places. What I’ve written and said has been sincere and well-researched, but has not included some things I think about. When you are writing and speaking for pay, you aren’t really free to share everything that might be on your mind. The customers for paid pieces want them to be hopeful and encouraging, to suit their purposes. My time and energy has also been invested in establishing a new patient advocacy group, the EGFR Resisters . Co-founders are Ivy Elkins, Jill Feldman, Teri Kennedy, Allen Lee, Ildiko Medve, and Colleen Sturdivant. Besides a website, we also have a closed Facebook group with over 900 members who share  treatment ex
Read more